Fallout from the storm...........

Most of us involved in the world of Autism have at some point suffered some form of fallout with regard to our children and their special needs.  It's our coworkers, our friends, our neighbors, and unfortunately at worst, it's from our own family.  Never an easy path do we travel.  I feel the only true understanding can come from those who live it every day.  It's often a dark lonely place to be to begin with; only to be compounded when the only support system you had, just walked out the door.

Sometimes it's simple differences and disagreements.  Not everyone can understand, tolerate, or is willing to learn about the subtle nuances that make up a special needs child.  To those outsiders, it can simply be overwhelming, or it can conflict with their own set of rituals, and behavior,  that that they fail to realize they posses themselves. Profoundly ironic, but a stark truth nonetheless. 

Sometimes, the error of their ways would have the same impact, and be just as inappropriate, were it to be a neurotypical child that was involved.  Sometimes, such fallout occurs simply because there are very clear cut laws that stipulate what kind of behavior one is allowed to have around ANY child, and they fail to see the error of their ways.  And it's really rather sad when such individuals find that following the law, shouldn't interfere with the family, when they are the very one's who put you in said position because they lack control of their behavior.  

It's unfortunate when lines are drawn in the sand, and you're left standing on the other side because you're supposedly the one at fault for having a child who is special needs, and those unique needs make others uncomfortable and reasonably lead to individuals having "justifiable" behavioral responses that exceed what even said child displays in a given situation.  Even more unfortunate when said individual is family technically, but not actually part of the blood line (though blood isn't always thicker than water), and can sway so much support for their misgivings.  

It's unfortunate when family believes it was all an honest mistake (when it occurs several times), and you should simply dismiss the possibility that there could be legal ramifications, loss of your career, and most importantly, loss of your child.  That you should ignore those possibilities, and continue contact regardless of the outcome, and to not do so, makes you out to be the bad person in the situation. 

Well, sometimes, we just have to protect our children, regardless of who they are, and regardless of how that makes family feel.  Whether it is understood or agreed upon with regard to the law.  Whether they fail to even see the simple moral implication of the wrong that was committed.  Whether it destroys what once was, as during times of extreme stress, people often show their true colors.  

The storm has passed, and I'm still waiting for the dawn.

When staff are the bully

Ironic, isn’t it.  Those in charge of ensuring children aren’t subjected to bullying, often times are the actual bully, or working in concert with the aggressor.  Sadly it’s becoming common place in the special education world, and far too often it goes unchecked until something really horrific happens.  Partly because staff with the intention of malice exploit the very nature of the student’s disabilities, relying on their cognitive functioning level to complicate, or negate believability. Partly because administrative staff have a tendency to turn a blind eye because they are more concerned with staffing and human resource issues that could arise from addressing instances in which bullying has been suggested, or concerns relayed to them.

Parents often lack credibility in the eyes of staff, and are accused of being overly emotional, irrational, or not properly educated in the ways of disability.  Where there are certainly instances in which the above is true, it does not negate all claims made on behalf of their children. 

This is a system that is stacked against you, in which you rarely are the victor, and are often left picking up the pieces of damage that happens to your child, or in some cases, the continued harassment your child is subjected to simply because you suggested bullying may have occurred. 

When you bring up concerns about staff interaction with regard to safety, and professionalism, and suddenly instances of involuntary seclusion, denial of basic civil rights such as access to the bathroom on request, and students being encouraged or allowed to physically assault your child routinely, what do you call that?  Over active imagination?  Coincidence?  Happenstance?  A simple misunderstanding times multiple incidents?  Or is it exactly what it sounds like?

What is it when you work in the same profession, have more education, and know exactly how situations are supposed to be handled, yet your words are worthless?

Why do your tax dollars support a system that can often do more harm than good to the child and there is so little recourse to right injustice?

Where is the intrinsic motivation of the professional to do there job well, properly, and with pride that they are working in the best interest of the child?

How have we come so far since 1975, yet in so many ways, little has changed?

Who is going to ever right this system so that it actually does what it is intended to do on behalf of these children?

My voice is often lost in a myriad of meetings, emails, and grievances, with little to no real resolution..........how then will my child’s voice ever be heard, or for the children who have no voice?